I need to be me
I saw a video about not settling a while back and feel like it changed my life. Because of having a 9-5 and having to keep the peace with people I want to punch in the face in order to pay bills or trying to keep the peace with people who are helping me in some way I have developed a habit of settling. Where I really don't want something, but in order to survive I just accept it. When I was full of passion I wouldn't take nothing less than what I wanted to the point where my life would be on the line and I didn't care. It's that level of passion that I really need for not only my music, but my happiness in life. Everybody around me has a vision for me and wants me to do something a certain way. Being used to needing someone's help, because i'm a little short on this bill or that happened and I need to temporarily move somewhere or whatever. You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you, so I don't go full acting like myself and try to compromise. The problem is that even compromising is still leaving me in a position where I am feeling depressed and i'm not able to bring out 100% of myself, so I am not able to put myself in a position where I can follow my dream and not need help. Of course after people have gotten in your way and you compromise they then want you to figure out how to survive on your own and I sit there thinking, "well if you would have shut the hell up, given me my space to be me no matter how much you didn't agree with it. Then i'd already be in a position where I didn't need your help and could do things myself."
I'm not saying this to point fingers at anybody cause my life is my responsibility. I'm just saying I have a distinct personality and for me to blossom in life I need to be that person that literally(and I do mean literally) everybody around me will not like or agree with a lot of aspects of this person. Matter of fact most if not all of you will feel like I am doing completely the wrong thing, but being this person and doing things this way is the only way I will be able to make it in this world.